A Break Today

Monday, August 11, 2003

I haven’t updated my column in awhile. Sorry about that.

I’ve been pretty busy the last couple weeks between buying a car, getting a bank loan to buy said car, getting my mom’s car fixed and just so no one thinks my life revolves around cars, chasing a bat out of my house.

Yes, we had a bat. I took it upon myself to evict the freeloading flying rodent after it was determined we could not live in harmony together. Normally I don’t have a problem with bats, but then again normally bats don’t insist on dive-bombing my face for no apparent reason.

It was quite a battle that went on over the course of two days. There was much collateral damage. It started in my T.V. room. I was armed with a broom and swinging wildly and incoherently, just hoping that one of the times I might connect, and I actually did one time but not hard enough to actually do anything to it. Our battle consisted of this pattern: 1. The bat dive bombs my face 2. I yell in terror and swing wildly and 3. the bat flies away really fast. Then I realized that the reason I was having such a hard time hitting the bat was because bats have some kind of sonar. I put two and two together and decided that in order to disrupt the bat’s sonar, I should try yelling as loud as I could.

I’ll give you a hint. That doesn’t work. At all.

So I ended up chasing the bat around the house swinging a broom wildly while screaming at the top of my lungs. At one point I swung and missed and broke the broom but I forget when that was. All I know is that the broom’s broken now. Anyway, the bat decided to hide after that. End round one.

So later that night around 3am I was just about to go to bed when I saw the bat flying around again. I grabbed a net this time and chased it around the house but it evaded me yet again and hid. End round two.

Finally, the next day I found the bat sleeping in our door frame. I decided to take this opportunity to finally end the war. I picked up a long stick and poked at it. The thing was completely worn out from the last two rounds of battle and feebly screeched at me and urinated in my general direction, but eventually got pissed off and flew away to the great outdoors. End round three. I am the champion!

I love making things so much bigger sounding than they really are. But honestly, this was a lot more entertaining to write than "I kicked a bat out of my house."

That’s all for now. Until next time, be excellent to each other.

-Kevin

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

All I'd really like to say is that I don't know exactly how Kevin managed to do a flying tackle in the van in the previous comic. Let's just say that the laws of physics have been somewhat suspended so that Kevin doesn't have an aneurism trying to draw the comic.

I'd also like to say that if the interior of this McDonalds seems particularly ugly. I appologize, I had no idea how else to color it.

- Emrys